Take 3 minutes to support moms with postpartum depression

(This entry is outside the scope of my usual blog subjects, but it was too important for me not to write about. )

About three months into my second pregnancy, I started getting anxious about things that didn’t used to make me anxious. Just the thought of going to the grocery store with my two-year old, a task I’d been managing fine since he was about 3 months old, began worrying me enough that I stopped bringing him with me. I didn’t really think that was a huge problem, though it did surprise me. But my issues got worse— I would put my son down for a nap in the afternoon and then sit in my living room and just sob. I didn’t know why, I just had to cry. Normal day-to-day living seemed exhausting and overwhelming and I was soon calling my husband every day asking him to come home from work early.

I’d heard about postpartum depression but didn’t know about prenatal depression until just around the time I started having it myself. I found out a friend of mine had it around the same time I started having symptoms, so I knew it was real and I knew I should talk to my doctor. My husband came with me to my doctor appointment, and I told her through tears that something was wrong with me. She advised exercise, counseling, and connecting with other moms who’ve experienced the same thing.

With the support of my husband, family, and friends, I made it through the rest of the pregnancy fairly well. I also did prenatal water aerobics and saw a therapist. Interestingly, when I started going to counseling, I realized that I’d actually had postpartum depression for about three months after my son was born (in retrospect, I realized that I’d had intrusive thoughts but explained them away as normal). That time, with lots of support from my husband and parents, I got back to normal. This time didn’t go so well.

When my daughter was born I was relieved not to have intrusive thoughts about her but horrified to have feelings of disdain toward her. Here was an innocent little baby that we’d wanted a lot, a little girl, which is what I’d always wanted, and I’d look at her when she was crying and think, “Just shut the hell up.” I had no warm and fuzzy motherly feelings at all, which was in complete contrast to how I’d felt after my son was born. Not even breastfeeding, which releases prolactin (the “mothering hormones”), helped. As I nursed, all I could think about was how soon before she was done so I could give her back to Daddy. My mom offered to watch our son during the day so my husband and I could rest and take care of our baby but really I just wanted her to take the baby. I even tried to figure out if I could pump enough milk between the afternoon and next morning so I could send baby away for the day. I was disappointed when I realized that I probably didn’t have enough time to pump as much milk as she’d need.

At six weeks postpartum, a friend came over to bring dinner. She said she wouldn’t stay long because she knew it was hard to be a hostess when you’ve just had a baby. I could feel my whole body tense-up…please don’t leave me alone, I thought. I’d actually only been alone an hour before she’d gotten there since my in-laws had been at my house for the day, but that hour I was alone felt like an eternity and I couldn’t bear to be alone another hour before my husband got home from work. My friend asked if there was anything she could do before she left and I burst into tears: “Yes! Could you just stay till hubby gets home?” Of course she did and I am still grateful for it.

That weekend my sister sent me a link to a great website. I did the self-quizzes and emailed my doctor for an appointment. My husband came with me to the appointment and I showed her the quizzes. We decided that it was time to try medication. I had already done my research and knew that many antidepressants are safe for nursing moms. I started Zoloft that day and noticed subtle improvements within a week. I’ll never forget the first time I actually felt a twinge of that mothering instinct towards my daughter. She was crying in her carseat and I had this strong feeling of empathy for her- I just wanted to scoop her up and make her feel better. It was such a joy to feel that way about her.

Slowly, with help from my counselor, I’ve also learned how to deal with the feelings of dread and panic that I had about being alone with the kids. Now, at eight months postpartum, I’m doing really well. There was a time when taking the kids to a park by myself that’s just five minutes away seemed like too much, but now there isn’t anything I don’t feel like I can do.

I am grateful to my husband, family, friends, counselor, and doctor for all their help. Depression is a strange animal. It sneaks up on you. And it has a way of making you feel alone when you’re not really. I feel very strongly about the need for all doctors who see prenatal and postpartum moms to check-in with them regularly about how they’re feeling. I think that the MOTHERS Act would take a step in the right direction towards helping women with those issues. That’s why I have emailed my two state senators asking them to support the MOTHERS Act. And that’s why I wrote this blog entry today- to ask you to do the same…

Please take 3 minutes to contact our two state senators and ask them to support the MOTHERS Act, which will “ensure that new mothers and their families are educated about postpartum depression, screened for symptoms, and provided with essential services” and will “increase research at the National Institutes of Health on postpartum depression.”

Please contact both of our senators by calling or using their webforms:

Sen. Maria Cantwell
http://cantwell.senate.gov/contact/index.cfm
202-224-3441

Sen. Patty Murray
http://murray.senate.gov/email/index.cfm
202-224-2621

If you call, you may want to use this script: “Hello this is (your name), one of Senator (Senator's name) constituents from (your town). I am calling to ask the Senator to co-sponsor The MOTHERS Act, bill number S. 1375, sponsored by Senator Menendez, which will provide funding for research, education, screening and treatment of postpartum depression. Thank you." Whether you call or email, you may also want to include a sentence or two about why the legislation is important to you.

Thanks!

PS: From another state? Get contact info for your two senators here: http://www.senate.gov/general/contact_information/senators_cfm.cfm